Like you're in a good place

Elijah

Elijah and Jenn have been looking at locations to actually move.

The apartment was barely big enough for two people, only large enough by virtue of the fact that they had a loft and Elijah wasn't there most of the time. Truth be told, just because he had a place to live it didn't mean that he wasn't going to just go wherever he damned well pleased. He spent a lot of nights falling asleep at whichever library he happened to be reading at. Occasionally, he fell asleep on Henry's couch; his tendency to sleep is like a toddler. He goes until he's done and then just falls asleep wherever he is in whichever position he happened to be in when his body decided it was done with being awake. When he stayed at Kalen's, he had a room (and slept on a sofa somewhere that was most assuredly not his room.) When he fell asleep at the chantry is was usually with his head on the dining room table surrounded by notebooks.

Here was different. Here, he had started with the habit of just sleeping in Jenn's room and waking up with her draped over him like a backpack. When Aidan was there, Aidan was... very accustomed to needing physical contact. Sometimes, Elijah slept with Aidan, who also tended to latch on to Elijah a bit like a backpack. We digress.

So, Jenn and Elijah were looking for a place with more space. Elijah gravitated towards places with lawns and space. Jenn was more interested in skyrise apartments with a singular point of entry for visitors. There were things that Elijah had not known about Jenn, and one of them was that Jenn was shockingly security-conscious. Or, perhaps, she'd taken it upon herself to be the gatekeeper of the two awakened men who she lived with because neither of them seemed too keen on taking care of themselves- one because he was too naive and entrenched in the spiritual world to notice, and the other because he simply didn't expect himself to live long enough to make a difference.

"We should just build a place," Elijah said to himself, legs thrown over the couch while he perused one of those websites where you can actually look at real estate in the area without having to actually deal with an agent. He was wearing grey pants. Grey pants and a vest that sort of matched and a shirt that bore little mention save for the fact that it had buttons and he had half a dozen bracelets on one wrist and a necklace on that he still couldn't get off because the knot was too tight.

Elijah scrolled through plots of land, pondered if he could get a discount if he convinced his dad's crew to build a place outside of Louisiana. Determines this wouldn't work, because of the cost of transporting labor. Scrolls more and wonders if Jenn has ever tried her hand at architecture.

Ian

It's been a while since the last time Ian stepped inside Elijah and Jenn's apartment. Distantly, he remembers something about that kid - Aidan - having been there, but he doesn't know how temporary that particular arrangement was. The truth is, he and Elijah hadn't really talked in a while. Long enough that he'd had to get the news about Elijah's new mentor from Kiara. So when Elijah invites him over, Ian's response is uncharacteristically prompt. He's there at the door about twenty minutes later, wearing black jeans and a long-sleeved navy shirt made of soft fabric. Almost a sweater, but too thin and stretchy to fit that description.

Once he's buzzed in, he shows himself up, entering the living room with a sweeping glance thrown around the familiar space. It's changed since the last time he was here: evidence of a third occupant; chalk markings on the walls...

He glances at Elijah and smirks. "You should get a bigger place."

(Well, obviously.)

He finds his way to the sofa and sits down, leaning back to unroll his spine in a long, slow stretch. When he's done, he looks over, smiles and reaches to slide his hand through Elijah's hair. The gesture feels familiar and affectionate, a sentiment that's reflected in Ian's eyes. "Hey blondie."

Elijah

And another sofa. He now is the proud owner of an actual couch (which he used to have) and a loveseat that felt surprisingly piercing when one spent too much time really thinking about it. Elijah, in all truth, had no idea how to make the couch Samir made him feel less like Samir, but for now it got the job done. Namely, Elijah did a lot of studying on it because it was comfortable but not too comfortable.

But there he was, comfortable on the couch and Ian announces that he needs a bigger place. It makes Elijah grin, "I know, right? I'm starting to think Aidan's going to be a permanent fixture in the apartment so I figure we should ask him to ward the place as, like, rent or something."

Because having acquired Aidan was a lot like having acquired a puppy or a teenager who was fun to have around but, at the end of the day, was a little expensive on the upkeep. You do it because you love hasving them there, but would it kill them to do the dishes or something every once in awhile?

Elijah's hair is soft, but his hair has always been soft. His eyes are bright, and they have not always been bright but they are today. All greens and ambers against a comfortable backdrop. He grins at Ian, but at the corners of his gaze is the kind of affection one feels for friends they haven't seen in awhile. That look is one of delight.

"I can't call you by your hair color, it makes me sound racist."

Ian

[Awareness]

Dice: 6 d10 TN6 (2, 5, 8, 9, 10, 10) ( success x 4 )

Ian

Ian laughs. The sound is a bright, honest note in the vaulted space of the apartment. When his hand drops, he moves to settle it across the back of the sofa, crossing one ankle over his knee. There's a momentary glance thrown over his shoulder, then down, as though something has caught his attention that he can't totally identify.

"I wouldn't recommend trying that." His brows furrow for a moment. "What's the deal with this couch?"

Elijah

[Manip+sub: this is where I pretend like this story isn't a terribly big deal]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (1, 2, 2, 4, 4, 5, 7) ( success x 1 )

Ian

[Oh is it now? Per+Empathy]

Dice: 6 d10 TN6 (1, 6, 8, 8, 8, 10) ( success x 5 )

Elijah

"I was at my friend Samir's place- I met the guy after the car accident in the interim between you fixing me and me running out of painkillers. Turns out he's like Grace, but, like, super fucking forgettable. Anyway," he's rambling. It's a little different than his usual rambling, it's the kind of rambling that gives too much information because it wants details to get hidden and not have one be accused of lying.

"Samir and I were out at the park," he totally leaves out the part of the story where he's buying drugs off of Samir, but he continues, "this fucking- well, we wrote a post about it on Ginger? The big shark-mouthed thing that tried to eat us?"

And then he goes from specific to vague, to lacking those hard and crisp sensory details that stories Elijah tells normally involve. Lacking in importance, but he inhales, "so, basically, Kalen and Grace ended up dealing with the whole creators-of-said-horrible-monster thing and Samir and I stayed home and I was over at his place. If I'm remembering correctly it was a thing with vampires, and they dealt with it. It... was... kinda fucked up, like, den of fucking depravity kind of shit and it burned to the ground during the day."

Ian knows that Elijah is leaving a gigantic chunk of the story out, perhaps because he might have heard part of it from Kiara. Partially because a good chunk of the story was on Ginger and even then Elijah didn't chime in with what happened or how he and Samir dealt with it, but they dealt with it.

"Anyway, so I was at Samir's and he only has, like, one chair so he made a second chair and I was kinda fucked up about it, so he made a couch and we got stoned and talked on his couch. He didn't need the couch, so he sent it home with me later."

Ian

"Uh-huh." There's a shifting expression that moves across Ian's face while Elijah tells this story. The details are vague enough that it's hard to gauge his exact response, but there are definite shades of dry suspicion lurking at the edges. The truth is, he knows a good part of this story already. The bit about the couch is new, as are some of the other details. When Elijah mentions Kalen's name, there's a brief flash of concern followed by something a bit darker.

"Part of me wonders if letting the Hermetics take care of the vampires might not be the worst idea." He says it as much to himself as to Elijah, who may very well not even be aware of that particular problem yet.

"I'm glad you're alright." He lets his expression smooth out. "None of my dealers ever made me a couch."

Oh, is that a joke? There's a light lift of his mouth at one side, knowing and subtly amused. "You know I already heard this story from Kiara."

Elijah

"From everything I've heard and read, Hermetics and vampires kind of have a thing, you know, with the whole vampiric blahblah hinging on the subjugation of will and the trade of your autonomy for power and blahblah. Even on an ideological level, the beef makes sense," he mused, "it's kind of a thing."

It's totally a thing.

He's already heard this story from Kiara. Elijah adjusts so he's actually sitting on the couch like a normal human being, which doesn't last for long because soon enough he's turned sideways and sitting cross-legged and observing Ian and taking in the highlights and contours of his expressions.

"Why do I get the feeling that she told it better?"

Ian

"More honestly, maybe." Ian regards Elijah with a lofted eyebrow. "She also told me the two of you went into the Umbra to find some old artifact. Sounds like you've been busy."

His eyes cast down to where Elijah's legs are crossed, and he makes a thoughtful noise before letting his hand slide down to find and run his fingertips over an ankle. The gesture does not so much feel sensual as reassuring. Like he needs to make sure that Elijah is really there, physically. Healthy and whole and alive.

"How are things with your new mentor?"

Elijah

[Per+empathy- do I tell you about the dragon? How would you react?]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (1, 1, 4, 4, 9, 9, 10) ( success x 3 )

Ian

Judging by the way Ian brought up the subject, there's a reasonable possibility that he is not, in fact, aware of said dragon. Moreover, Elijah knows that Ian does not approve of doing insanely risky things for dubious reasons. Although he is, at the moment, in a pretty relaxed mood - all things considered. It's hard to say exactly how he'll react, but at the very least he will almost certainly be worried.

Elijah

"We did! Me and Kiara and Leah and Henry- who is my mentor- and Red- who is a fucking literal umbral fox," a bright grin, something delighted. He liked Red. That much was obvious, "we went to go find this artifact and I found out that time passes way differently because I could have sworn we were gone for two weeks, but we were only really gone for a few days. And you don't have to eat, which was really shocking, because never once did I actually get hungry the whole time we were there."

A beat, "anyway, it turned out we were probably up somewhere in the approximation of Canada for awhile? Distance- time- it doesn't translate out the same while you're there and it's fucking hard to do things. Like, if you can not physically take yourself into the umbra the realm itself makes you aware that you are a guest in its territory and while your input is appreciated? You won't be exerting your will on the landscape."

A second again, that touch came and it was a reminder that they were there and he was off somewhere physical and this was Ian he was talking to and not just some approximation of Ian.

"We saw a dragon; I'm trying to get Jenn to paint it, but she's pretty backlogged so I wrote it all down somewhere when I was feeling poetic," he tells Ian. They exist somewhere in verse all compiled and written into the most precise of pieces of language. It's not what Jenn does with paint, but when Elijah writes things they're very distinctly his Made real and tangible and true because he wrote it down and gave it form beyond just being a reflection of what he thought he remembered. "Gives me hope about mermaids being a thing, though."

How were things going with his mentor?

There was a moment of silence, a smile, something probably more honest than he had been. Less flippant and more present.

"This is the first time in my life that I've actually been regarded as intellectually capable and there was no but following the statement."

Ian

His hand slides away when Elijah mentions a dragon, and there's a slight lift of his eyebrows - followed by a long silence.

"You saw a dragon?"

See, Kiara never mentioned that part. Elijah can tell, too. Can see both the surprise and the slow-dawning realization that crosses Ian's face when he puts the pieces together. The parts of the story that Kiara hesitated at. Things he noticed but, at the time, chose not to press her about. And maybe Elijah expects anger, there. Pointed questions or accusations. But instead Ian just... gets quiet again. And then he says, "I'm glad you're all okay."

That part sounds genuine. The soft notes of concern.

And then there's the issue of Elijah's mentor. Ian takes a breath and refocuses his attention. He can hear the honesty in Elijah's voice when he speaks of Henry. Of feeling like he's actually capable, for once. And that gets a little smile. Something low-key and reserved. "Sounds like he's been good for you."

Elijah

"It wasn't that bad," he said, "I mean, yeah, dragons are kinda scary but that's a fathomable thing. We went on a moonbridge- which is kind of like a lunar highway that people use and werewolves use too? But luckily we totally didn't run into werewolves, and because you're traveling across massive spans of unchartable space, there are things that live in the darkest deepest parts of the umbra that chill around moon bridges because sometimes people fall off or are like oh, heyt, look, this totally won't be dangerous and there are things out there that the human mind can't freaking fathom-"

And this is the part where he actually laughs, but it sounds like he's just letting off steam, like this is a release for him, like he's laughing because he doesn't know what to do but laugh, "and I dreamed about it. I dreamed about those places for years and I just thought it was my subconscious being a dick or just having really fucked up nightmares but it's real. The world beyond, the fucking deep umbra is real and it's- there really are things out there and I wasn't losing my mind when I felt like the stars were burning out and there is the sense of forboding that there is Something living out in the darkest recesses of the universe."

A beat. A moment, and he exhales long, "I don't really talk about what I used to dream about, but... like... it's liberating to feel like things make sense, even if I might just be drawing parallels where they don't exist."

"Henry's fucking fantastic, I wish you guys would meet. He's kind of, like, we have the same drive to go out and experience things and he's pretty nice. It... well, it makes a huge difference for me."

A second, "I kinda wanna see if Jenn can pick some of this whole magical stuff up. I know that, y'know, awakened shit isn't gonna happen. And I think that kind of frustrates her because we talk sometimes, and I know she's tracking but I think she gets irritated that she knows the theory but can't do the application."

Ian

Next to Ian's quiet introspection, Elijah's boundless energy and enthusiasm creates a stark contrast. It's infectious enough that Ian's posture lifts a little as he listens. That his smile grows and becomes something warm and slightly wondrous. The things Elijah speaks of are things he could only ever dream about.

He makes a sound in his throat, this soft hum in the lower register of his vocal chords. "I wish I could have gone with you." A few beats later he says, "It's nice to see you like this. Happier."

There's some empathy for Jenn, too. Whose frustration he thinks he understands. "There's very little Jenn could do that would surprise me. Sometimes people Wake Up late. You never know."

There's a long pause before he says, reluctantly, "There's something I have to tell you, Elijah." But now that he's there, now that he's listening to Elijah tell these stories of magic and exploration and finally feeling as though he fits somewhere, Ian finds himself loathe to deliver the news he'd intended to give.

"It has to do with what you guys found when you crossed over. The storm being gone."

Elijah

There's that long pause, and the pause doesn't seem to set well. He's there to give him information, and there is something brewing that much is certain. He regards Ian for a second, curious but sober.

He's not shaking.

He's not running.

"What's up? I figured... the storm's gone, that kind of opens up... it's a two way street." Braced for the worst, he gives Ian his full attention.

Ian

Where the hell does he even begin, really?

"Kalen and Grace and I spoke with someone not that long ago. His name's Atreyu, and he's with this group of mages who are trying to stop another war from breaking out. He says that with the Storm gone, the Technocracy is going to re-establish contact with their old leaders, and that when they do... things could get bad again. That they might become more like they used to be. The Hermetics are already planning a preemptive attack, which... is fucking stupid, and Kalen and Atreyu are going to try to stop them. But things could get messy. You might want to ask your mentor what he knows. Maybe... if he sees some reason, he can talk to Orrin. Help get him to stand down."

He sighs. There's a sense he has some very... ambivalent feelings about all of this.

"Atreyu's group. They think we can help shift the balance of power within the Technocracy if we... help the more, I guess, progressive members. I don't know that I believe that, but he seems to think that not everyone in the Union actually wants to go back to the way things were during the war."

Elijah

"That's the thing, I don't know if they would be able to reestablish connection with their old leaders, it would be stupid beyond measure even if it were possible. You're talking about getting in contact with people who have been out of touch with this realm for, what? Twenty years? Maybe? The storm's been raging for a long time, and unless they were somewhere outside of, like, the kinds of realms that the traditionalist leadership was hanging out in, then where they are is probably a graveyard full of people who are just ideas and- they'd be more like spirits, is my theory.

"Which, y'know, I could have really been misinterpreting what it was that Henry and Kiara were talking about while were were having our big umbral hike of doom."

He realizes he's rambling. He stops, exhales hard and harsh.

"The guy I talked to awhile back, he might have been bloing smoke up my proverbial skirt, but I really got the impression that, no seriously, loyalty within the Technocratic Union and the desire to wipe everything that doesn't exist in a perfect state of stasis and cleaned control? It's a sliding scale. We're dealing with people in an organization that seems like it's a giant fucking tower but it's all built in the sand anyway."

He pinches the bridge of his nose; Elijah is a talker. He's always been someone who could go on for hours and maybe he was thinking outloud with Ian, maybe he was using a sounding board because this? This was not a conversation that he was probably going to be having with too many people from inside of his own tradition until he actually had a leg to stand on there.

Henry would probably listen, though. Henry has never given ELijah the impression that he didn't value his opinion or thoughts.

"It makes sense, though, that they'd be planning a preemptive attack because from a historical standpoint all you've got is the route full of search-and-destroy methodology. I don't fault the reasoning, and Orrin and Kalen's house is kind of... uh... solve it with fire kind of people. Which, again, I seriously do not have a problem with the ethical and reasonable application of force."

He runs his hands through his hair, exhales again, puts his hands on his thighs.

"Essentially, Atreyu's peeps are looking at opening up diplomatic relations with the technocracy so that we don't all get wiped off the planet, but the problem with this is that when you're opening up negotiations and diplomatic relations, you have to have a leg to stand on and the Traditions don't have that. They're throwing themselves on the mercy of whomever they are getting to listen to them and I get the sinking feeling that people on the top? Aren't going to like that and aren't going to be willing to change. Period."

"Fuck."

A second.

"Fuck. Fuck.  Fuck, seriously? Are both groups of people actually serious here?"

Ian

He lets Elijah talk. Let's him work out all of his conclusions without any interruption. Some people need that - to be able to talk things through. When he's finished, Ian exhales a long breath and nods.

Yes. They are, on both counts, serious.

"Atreyu made it sound as though the Technocrats already made contact in some limited capacity. So, I think... something is out there. I don't know what. Maybe it's not even human. He was talking about corruption, and he used the word Control like it ought to be capitalized."

There are images that draws forth. Some vast realm of robotic sameness. It seems like something out of a science fiction book, but then, how many unbelievable things have they encountered in their lives? Does the world shape itself that way because of their imaginations?

"I hope you're right, though. I hope nothing ever comes of this. But I wanted to tell you because I thought you deserved to know. In case another war does break out. You should be careful. After... what happened with you and Alicia."

Elijah

"Control," he repeats, like he needs to commit that to memory. Quirks his mouth to the side and lets it all sink in. His whole demeanor has his previous expletives written all over it. He leans back against the chair arm again, because he can't be bothered to sit still. Because he can't be pushed to have those moments where there is not movement.

He listens to Ian, warning him that he should be aware because... things. Because of how things had been with he and Alicia, things that transpired almost a year ago but still felt like fresh bruising and Ian says her name and he remembers, yes, he remembers that he missed her. That things still came up.

In truth, since she left Elijah tried his best not to talk about Alicia. Tried his best not to think about Alicia, treated his studies like a vice because drugs felt like escapism and he's in a happier place but there things are again. A reminder that your deeds follow you.

"Why the fuck did I do that?"

It sounds like a rhetorical question. Elijah knows why he did what he did for Alicia, no matter how desperately he fucked up the entirety of it all. No matter how smoldering that bridge may be, or how irreparable it may seem. It happened because he was young and had no idea how to be in love with someone- still has no idea and is still young. Hasn't been graced with the opportunity again and, for that, some part of him is at once resentful and grateful.

He exhales again, sits up and powers forward.

"I'll be careful. I'm actually getting better about not actively attempting to shorten my existence."

Ian

"Hey... don't do that." He's already moving across the couch as he says it, crossing over what little distance there is between them. He sets his hand on Elijah's knee. "It happened. Everyone does stupid stuff when they're young."

Elijah reassures him. Says he's been better about not putting himself in certain danger. Ian thinks about the attack with Samir and the trip into the umbra and feels this unsettling sense of uncertainty. But that... isn't entirely Elijah's fault.

He's quiet for a moment. Exhales. Then grabs the back of Elijah's neck and pulls him into an embrace.

Doesn't say anything. Just... stays like that for a while. Like maybe he's trying to communicate something he doesn't have words for.

Elijah

He exhales, leans into Ian and just hugs the guy. Elijah, all things said, is much more stable than he was last year. All things said, he's in a much better place than he was, because this time last year he threw a chair at Pan's wall and moved in with Kalen and still sat with this gigantic emotional rift. This time last year he was licking wounds he determined that he had no right to be defensive over.

He's in a better place, all things said. But it doesn't mean that he still doesn't cringe when he thinks about things. He leans in, hugs Ian, and just stays there. Doesn't break away, doesn't pull back or push him away or become intent that he needed space because he didn't want space.

He's still got a journal stashed somewhere that he doesn't open with parts of Alicia written into them. Hadn't been able to give them back, doesn't open the pages because those words and those stories don't belong to him anymore. He still writes her letters, but they're fewer now. Writes letters to Kalen, too, but doesn't know if Kalen reads them. Writes poetry for Serafine and still hasn't had the nerve to give it to her.

Maybe Elijah will write Ian letters someday, but for now the things Elijah wants to say to Ian he says directly because he doesn't think he needs time to figure them out. Doesn't need to make them perfect. He knows, on some level, that he should own his frailties and faults.

He exhales and it's shaky.

"Eventually it'll be water under the bridge but right now? It's a long-assed fucking bridge," he says, "I still miss Alicia. But... I think I miss the idea of her more than the actuality, and that bothers me."

Ian

He pulls away slowly, hands sliding over Elijah's shirt, and when their eyes meet he tries to say something - parts his lips on an exhale, but the words don't come immediately.

Finally he manages, "Yeah. I know what that's like."

Does he?

"I don't think there are rules for how we process that kind of stuff."

Elijah

"If I make it to thirty, this had better be one of those hilarious stories I tell people when relaying the various survivably questionable decisions you can make in your twenties," he insists.

Pulls back enough to look at Ian. Give him a smile because sometimes it's easy to smile around people.

"Luckily I figured out that I process by reading so, uh, if I can be heartbroken about once every three years I should have this whole bending the forces of the universe thing down."

A beat passes.

"You seem like you're in a good place right now," maybe a segway.

Ian

Here's the thing: it never really occurred to Ian that he might not have been in a good place before. Let alone that someone could have noticed. Sometimes a constant isn't really noticeable until you hold it up against something new.

There's a brief flicker of surprise in Ian's response: the way he lifts his posture and goes silent for a beat.

"Do I?" He has to consider that for a moment, and when he does his eyes cast away from the distraction of Elijah's features, landing somewhere near the front door. "A lot's been going on, actually. I've been... I don't know." He makes this little noise in his throat and rubs the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes briefly. "It'd be nice to have a few weeks where I don't have to worry about anything."

It's not really the answer Elijah was getting at, but it isn't dishonest either. When Ian opens his eyes he turns and looks at Elijah again. "Why, have I been acting weird?"

Elijah

Has Ian been acting weird. He puts a hand up, shakes his head. He hasn't seen Ian in awhile, doesn't know that he's been floating on clouds, only that today he seemed like he was in higher spirits than the news he had to offer, but still he looks at Ian. Observes and takes in the brief flicker of surprise and notes the silence but he has no context. Doesn't think about it because something this happens.

Sometimes he can't read Ian. Sometimes, he doesn't know he needs to read Ian.

"Nah, you just seem like life's pretty good right now. Not that you didn't seem like it was before, but right now you're especially hey, life isn't a total shit show. Which is pretty impressive, given that you just told me the Order is planning to poke the Technocracy with a giant pointie stick before they have a chance to poke us and some dude I've never met is like hey, let's be friends!"

A beat passes.

"I dunno, you're dealing with it pretty well."

Ian

"I don't know if I really am," he offers in this reserved, quiet voice. "But there isn't anything I can do about the Technocracy right now. Whatever's going to happen is going to happen, and then we'll have to deal with it. In the meantime... I'll take whatever good things I can find." There's an implication there - that he does have good things. He sighs, and for a moment there are sketches of something bleak and sad in his eyes.

"The things that matter are always so fucking impermanent."

Brief and intangible and impossible to hold.

But see, he does smile here - tentatively. It's fragile at the edges and slightly vulnerable. The look on him is unfamiliar. Like maybe he doesn't quite know what to do with whatever he's feeling. "I'm not in the worst place. Did you watch the eclipse? I went out to Red Rocks with Kiara to see it. It made me think about... I don't know. How beautiful the world is, sometimes." There's a beat before he says, "How glad I am that I moved here."

Elijah

"I think, to a certain degree, some things are beautiful because they are impermanent. It sounds cheesy as fuck, but the time we have here is really fleeting compared to the grand scheme of things. We don't get a lot of time in this incarnation so it kinda keeps you wanting to hold on to the things that make this life good only until you realize you can never really hold on to anything."

Things change. The universe moves. We persists and die and persist again.

He asks about the eclipse, if Elijah had watched it. He has to think about it for a moment and he adjusts, eyes flick to the balcony and the set of chairs sitting out there, pushed together. The corner of his mouth upturns and he does redirect. Looks at a painting for a moment like seeing them would conjure Jenn.

There are days that he worries about how things are fleeting. If she'll leave and they will outgrow each other. Some part of him rails that it should happen, but that part is not the one he listens to. For good or for ill. Wonders what he's dragged her into- and not just magically- and wonders if she is better for it. we digress.

His attention comes back to Ian, takes in the fragility and he smiles anyway. Doesn't prod at it, doesn't quite know what to do with it either aside from be there- open and receptive- to what is happening. Even if that suspicion he has forming is one that he doesn't quite have a basis for.

"Despite everything, it's really pretty miraculous that the world is still beautiful in some places. And it's nice to feel like you're in the right places," he tells Ian. Only a second passes before he continues, "for what it's worth, I'm glad you moved here too. I'm glad we overlap."

Ian

"Mm. You make things more interesting, that's for sure." There's an affectionate lift to his voice, and his smile broadens into an easier grin - the kind of look Elijah is more used to seeing on him. Some of the brittle tension seems to leave his shoulders as he slides back a little on the couch. He brings his arms up to fold beneath his head as he leans back, head turned toward Elijah.

"How are things with you and Arionna? You haven't mentioned her in a while."

Elijah

"Interesting is how you describe bad casserole when you're trying to be nice, Ian," he grinned, broad and playful. It took a bit to knock the wind out of his sails some days. Some days he's flying pretty high and, despite the news of the technocracy, it would take a little more work to ground him. Ian is languid, owns the space like few people do in Denver. It is somewhat feline, as though any creature of such a type comes in and dominates the space with sheer presence. Not overbearing, just this: aware. They do as they please and, in Elijah's case, their comforts overlap.

But how were things with Arionna? He winces.

"After the whole I nuked something that used to be a human being with the raw essence of the universe thing, I was kinda fucked up?" doesn't mention the rest of it. Ian already knows, it was on Ginger, right? "Anyway, I went to go see her and we got into a fight because I wanted to be around her and, like, forget that the world can be shit and she was having none of it. So, we had a fight. And I left. And I was going to let her reach out and talk to me if she actually wanted to interact."

Inhales sharp, puts his hands on his thighs and there's tension in his shoulders and that grin takes on the expression of someone who has pushed on a bruise too hard but is trying to play it cool, "so, that pretty much says to me that she is most assuredly not my girlfriend."

Ian

He laughs at that, when Elijah points out the dubious nature of the word 'interesting.' "Nah, I'm an asshole. I'd just say it was bad."

Some things, at least, haven't changed.

They segue into talk of Arionna, and Ian frowns a little, softly. The energy in his body settles into something still and pensive, and after a while he uncurls one of his arms to rest his hand on Elijah's knee, tracing the pad of his thumb back and forth slowly.

"I'm sorry. I should've come by sooner." There's a pause while he tries to unpack his thoughts. "Arionna cares about you. She came to me once and told me she was worried you might get yourself hurt. But I don't know that she really understands empathy or human behavior very well." He trails off for a moment. "Being able to communicate with someone is... important. Feeling like they're there with you. You deserve that."

Elijah

"We don't really meet eye to eye on the whole inherent human dignity thing," he winces, looks down, "I have no idea how to let her know that, yes, I care about her but it's really freaking hard to trust her and be around her because... like... her perception is really alien to me.  I feel like she deserves having people around who care about her because I don't know how much of that she has."

He takes a second, thinks for a moment. Someone said he sometimes makes decisions knowing full well that they woudl hurt. He'd said the same thing to Arionna once, that she would hurt him and he would let her but... he hadn't realized how much he was willing to endure. How much he was worth.

Elijah doesn't think about how the Order of Hermes has influenced his love life, but training had really hammered home a certain concept- he isn't a creature to be walked on.

"She doesn't view me as an equal. And as much as she might care about me, if anything is going to work I have to be able to believe that she sees that. And right now, I don't."

Ian

He nods at that, slow and understanding. None of Elijah's confessions here really surprise him - he knows enough about both parties to be able to have a good sense of how the two might relate to each other. But that doesn't mean he doesn't care. It puts his own life into starker focus for a moment in a way that feels a little surreal.

"If two people aren't equal, then it's not a relationship. It's just one person using the other one." He sighs. "I don't know. I haven't done any of this shit since high school. I'm probably not the person you really want to talk to. But... I mean, when it's right with someone. You know." His eyes lift, and his hand goes still on Elijah's knee. There's a sense maybe that he's speaking from experience.

"Do you love her?"

That's not a word that Ian has ever used before. At least, not in this context.

Elijah

"Not in the way she wants," he tells Ian.

It's sparse.

He chooses the exact words he wants to say.

Ian

He sits up, at that. Lets both of his arms drift back to his lap. There's a narrowing of focus, the way he tilts his head and fixes his eyes on Elijah for a long, steady moment. The look is both shrewd and curious.

"What do you mean by that?"

Elijah

"She wants one person. Only one person. Forever and always, until death do us part- someone who is her other half and completes her who will make her a whole person," he says, "we've talked about it. We've had pretty in depth conversations about how each of us views love and what that means when we were setting boundaries.

"I think that people are infinite. That you can give your whole heart to more than one person and it doesn't diminish what you have given them. You can love others, and you love them differently because we are different. I can't be her other half because I'm not a puzzle piece. I'm not water and she's not a vessel for me to fill."

There is silence. Ian narrows his focus and Elijah is very... frank. He doesn't seem self pitying, but rather, self-reflective- as though he has thought of this before. As though this is not a strange concept for him but a difficult one to articulate because there is some translation error he is uncertain as to how he should start. Knows taboos but doesn't expect judgment.

Wouldn't have cared if it came anyway.

"By the definitions of what she believes, in her paradigm of what love is, I do not know how to love another human being. And it bothers her that, even if I stop having any kind of physical relations with other people, that I am not hers..."

He pauses.

"But, in all actuality, she may be right. There's a really good chance that I'm mistaking the way I feel for love when it really isn't. That I'm misinformed," the weight was clear there. That he may be misinformed, and it's another matter in which he seems clueless in comparison to her.

Ian

Ian listens while Elijah speaks, but whatever his reaction, it's difficult to read. His eyes are dark and considering, and there's a weight to them that makes it clear both that he's listening and having... some kind of response. But he keeps it veiled, wrapped up and held down and safely contained. At least, for a while.

There is a version of him that would have let it stay that way.

"People don't own each other," he agrees, because that's the easiest place to start. "Sometimes you get lucky and meet someone who wants the same things you do. And that means something, I think. Knowing that every moment they're with you, they made a choice to be there. Not because of some fucking obligation. But because they wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Some people find that hard to accept. They get scared and they want to hold onto something they think they might lose. But you can't trap people like that. And when you do it kills what you had with them anyway."

He exhales, and there's just the faintest bit of shake to his breath.

"I used to say that relationships were bullshit. But what I really meant was all of the lies and the expectations and just... how fucking inauthentic it all is. People go around trying to build things and shape them and make them be whatever they want them to be instead of just existing and feeling and being fucking human and complicated and real. People are different. You feel things the way that you feel them and so does she. Neither of you are wrong. You're just... different. Realistically, though..."

Here he has to pause to collect his thoughts.

"We all have to make choices about what matters to us. I couldn't sleep with five people in the same day and have the same experience I would if I was with only one of them. I've done both, and they both have their appeal. But human beings aren't infinite. We're human. I spent a decade of my life avoiding anything resembling monogamy, and at the time it was the right thing. It was what I wanted. But now... "

He just shrugs, as though he can't find the words to articulate what he wants to say.

"If I did that, it would be another kind of lying. About how I feel and where I want to be."

Elijah

[Why do I get the feeling that, at some point, things shifted? Per+empathy]

Dice: 7 d10 TN6 (1, 1, 2, 5, 7, 8, 9) ( success x 3 )

Ian

He's careful, at first. Doesn't reveal very much. Keeps his emotions in check and tries to give Elijah something resembling honest advice. That much Elijah can tell. That Ian is trying very hard to communicate something complicated and subjective and that many people find rather... difficult to talk about. Certainly he finds it difficult. It's Ian, after all. The Ian that Elijah met in that nightclub would never have had the patience to even try. He'd have said something blunt and nihilistic and probably kind of dismissive. And the words he uses now certainly aren't lacking in some sharp honesty, but there's a great deal more nuance to it.

He cares about this. He cares about Elijah. Even, perhaps, Arionna. And he cares, too, about how this relates to his own life - in whatever ways he's not saying.

He believes it when he says that he thinks Elijah and Arionna are both right - in their own way. That they both have their own ways of loving and neither of those ways are wrong for them. Perhaps just... wrong for each other. But given his words, and the way the topic seems to shake him up - rattles his careful veneer and peels it open as he talks - it's fairly obvious that he isn't just speaking hypothetically. He's in love with someone.

Elijah

"If that's where you should be, then that's where you should be- if being singular in your love is what what brings you meaning and you find value then that is what you should do. You grow and you change and you become; that's what we do as people. We transcend," he says to Ian, "and the one thing I have figured out about love is that it can only survive with honesty."

It's strange to talk to another person about honesty, this young man who lies to save himself. Who lies to keep people out, who lies because for so long it was the only defense mechanism he had: to deflect, to disarm, to avoid a confrontation and a disaster before it started. Hates being dishonest, but it's so easy to fall into old patterns.

The greatest lies we tell are the ones we tell ourself. All love begins with one's self. Love only flourishes in honesty.

He's watching and, for the time, he's intent. He's focused, he's present as though the world could burn down and he would still have this conversation with Ian before he

"You can be where you want to be. You can own it and make it a part of your definition right now because language isn't static and Ian Lai hasn't been etched into stone, you're written in pencil... some places, you pushed too hard on the paper and the indentations are still there, you can leave a big ugly smudge where you tried to erase too hard but in the end you're mutable-"

He realizes he is rambling about things. It crosses his face, this dawning with a raise of his brows and oh, right flickers by.

"You are a different person than the person I met back over a year ago. And if you weren't a different person now, I don't think we would have stayed friends," he says, smiles because he means it,

"I'm happy for you."

Again, genuine.

Ian

This isn't really where he meant for the conversation to go, and that's clear in the way he reacts to Elijah's words. This sort of... winding discomfort that takes hold in his muscles and his posture, like suddenly he wants to get up and leave and pretend the entire conversation didn't happen.

(He's not an entirely different person, see.)

"Elijah, I wasn't..." what? Trying to make the conversation about him? He sighs. "I just meant, it's important to be honest about how you feel. Both with her, and with yourself. And for what it's worth... I'm sorry. That things are shitty right now."

Look at him, completely pretending that Elijah didn't just say I'm happy for you.

Still, he lifts an eyebrow and smirks ruefully. "You sound like a Cultist, by the way." He glances away, toward the kitchen, then back to Elijah. "You know what I think? Now is the perfect time to raid your apartment for liquor. Tell me you have something harder than beer."

Elijah

"Don't stress," he says as he gets up, "sometimes things are shit. I mean, it sucks and sometimes I like to embrace how bad it sucks but in the grand scheme of things this could be... a fuckload worse than it is... besides, I wanted to focus on something that didn't suck for a minute."

Namely: the fact that Ian is happy.

Elijah is on his feet soon enough, stretches because you can't sit cross legged on a couch for as long as he has and not expect half of your butt to fall asleep. He was off to the kitchen at the mention of a something harder than beer. He snorted, and even though his back is turned Ian can likely tell Elijah is trying not to laugh.

"It's me," and down came a bottle of tequila... then a whiskey, and then he meandered over to the freezer to look and see what was in there.

You sound like a Cultist, by the way.
It makes Elijah stop, peek out from behind the fridge.

"Dude, I am never going to sound like a Hermetic. I've tried, and any time someone big and scaryimportant is around I sound like I'm either trying to sell them the Brooklyn bridge or this is a job interview, I have even been told-" he comes back with something in an unlabeled mason jar. "-Elijah, this is not a job interview, which, by the way, does not help you feel like you're not on a job interview."

He waves a hand.

"Let's get shitfaced and see if Jenn will play completely-platonic-Twister with us."

7:00 PM